So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
