I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
