I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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