Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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