but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
