the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
