I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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