I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
