I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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