9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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