wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
