Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want a musical about memes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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