Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
