its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.