remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting