she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico