i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS