dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...