we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
smell my finger.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?