I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
