Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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