I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.