im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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