Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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