# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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