My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
