May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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