My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Text me some of your sweat
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