I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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