I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
