with your own penis?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
