mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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