Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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