woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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