That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize