it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
