You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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