were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
