you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
