Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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