No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
