Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
