Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
