don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
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I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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