I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
