i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
