Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
