i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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