How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
