so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
