there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
