"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
