jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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