now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
