wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
