I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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