im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
