no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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