So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
