You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
