girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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