I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I could make wine with my vomit
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off