I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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