Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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