I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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