no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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