so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
