ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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