I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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