So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
