do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
