How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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