You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
