I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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