If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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