I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
