If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
