I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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