I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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